I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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