McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
