No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
