And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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