it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is Oprah even human
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
