Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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