is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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