You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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