I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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