I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
