Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So. Much. Porn.
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