Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
