After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
As shirtless as possible
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
