he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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