My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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