Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm both gender and math confused
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
