I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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