I think I won the penis lottery.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
