Please, let me fuck your mom
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
