it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
