haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
