i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
