so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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