school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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