Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My life is pants optional.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
