I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
