Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
