And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize