Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
