My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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