Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
