there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
