You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
