took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
