I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
please come you make the beer taste better
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
