She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
