I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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