a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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