Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize