No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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