I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize