its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
