Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
