i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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