My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize