yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
