Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
