Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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