you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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