i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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