This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
