dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
