In the future we'll all be gay
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
