Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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