Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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