Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
