we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
