They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
