I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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