are you so shy because you have an std?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
