so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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