Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
