We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
