i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
