I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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