the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
