I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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