she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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