i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
