you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
